Er....... Hello

How many months has it been?

Too many?   

Truth be told, I've been lazy.   Incredibly so.  My last run was in October and it was a weak one.  

And then, on October 31st- we learned we are (finally) expecting 2.0!   Initially I had some concerns over exercise and basically put everything on hold.    Now that I am in my second trimester and have some energy back- I'm reigning in my eating habits and getting back to the exercise.  

I will try to post more regularly!   I need to keep myself on track a little bit more! 

Stretching The Legs!

With Mike out of town hunting, I've been going ridiculously stir crazy.  It's surprising how much having another (sort of) adult to talk to can impact your day.  We are going on Day 5 of just Henry and I, and while I'm grateful to get to hang with him all day, I'm feeling very isolated. When I start to feel shut off from the world, I start to get really sad.   Exercise

is the best sad exorcist, but without Mike to help with Henry, my options are either wait until Henry is napping (and ignore the growing piles of laundry, dishes and dog hair) or wait until he's asleep (which is about 9 o'clock on a good day) at which point I'm exhausted.   It's a vicious cycle because not being able to exercise makes me sad, which makes me want to exercise more, which makes me sadder when I cannot.   

I decided to take Henry for a walk today.  He has been so anti stroller lately that I didn't have high hopes that it would go well. I packed a "for the love of God stop screaming" emergency bag (popcorn, juice, banana, toys, waterbottle) and decided to err on the side of optimism and throw on my running gear.  

We set out with the intent of heading to a local duck pond.  I started off jogging, thinking that I could at the very least get some running in before Henry started losing his shit.   Within 5 minutes he was out like a light.  I almost cried with joy.  Keeping a close watch on his eyelids for signs of movement and an impending tantrum, I set off.   

7kms! We managed to hit 7kms before his little eyes fluttered open and he woke up.   By the time he was awake, I was within a block of our house so I just doubled around home.   My hips are are sore from pushing the stroller (which, also has somewhat low tires at the moment) but I FEEL AMAZING! 

We are going to grab a short walk after dinner (to help break up that sad, ridiculous long stretch of time between dinner and bed time)- but I'm feeling so

refreshed and happy.

Missing Moments

When I had Henry, it took me quite a while to come to terms with his birth.   I didn't go into it with any expectations, so to have zero plan and still come out feeling a little bit disappointed and guilty, you know it was bad.  The last 14 months have done a lot of healing on me, and I've just recently been able to revist the first few memories of Henry's birth.  

Seriously, how adorable is that.   As much as part of me says "I wish I'd been there", I am so thankful to have this baby and so grateful that my Mum was able to photograph it.  

It's still hard to look at pictures of him with all the tubes and tape and IV's in him, but I know he is completely healthy now. 

He's incredible.  He really is an absolutely amazing child, and I'm thankful for him every single day.  He has come a long way.  We both have. 

Along with pictures of H's first days, there are also pictures of me that were previously unseen.  Horrible pictures, hideous pictures. They make me cringe, they make me want to tear up and deny they are me.  To an extent they aren't me.  Not the me that's here today.  They are a different, weaker version of myself.  

(There are actual rolls of fat on my chest in this photograph) 

The first two are obviously the worst, I was probably at around 300lbs in those photos.   Easily.  I can remember the sides of the rocking chair digging into the fat on my legs.   I probably ate 4 pieces of cake that day, and numerous cookies and candy and other goodies.  Nobody made me eat them, I chose to.  That is the sole reason I was pushing 300lbs, zero limits and zero self control.  

         

The third photograph was taken in January.   I can recollect almost everything about the way I felt in my own body that day.   I was sad because my vest would not do up.   It was an XXXL.   I felt good in the blue shirt, because I really like that colour on me.  I thought by turning to the side that my stomach wouldn't show in the picture, as you can see it did.   I was at approximately 220 in this photograph, well on my way to losing weight, but not there yet.  I hadn't started running with the same passion as I do now.  I hadn't pushed myself as far as I could to test my limits.  I wish I could tell the girl in this picture, "wait a few months, you will be running 5k without a second thought."   

Although I have a bit of an issue with turning my face to the camera, you can see that I'm half the person I used to be. I am more confident, more at ease in my own skin.  I'm a better mum, I have more energy, I want to run and chase Henry.    

The last 14 months have really taken us on quite the journey.  I can't wait to see where the next 14 take us.  

 

Lost! Reward Offered For Safe Return!

Last seen August 2013.  Beloved part of the family and the last thing keeping my yoga pants employed.  Runners, Handweights and Kitchen Scale are pleading for a quick and safe return.   My motivation.  If found, please, please return without hesitation.  You will be heavily rewarded.  

My motivation is gone.  It has disappeared like the last pair of skinny jeans I own that I was almost fitting into. I love those jeans and I am THIS close to being able to wear them.... But I'm just burnt out.  

It started when we went camping.  I had a blast.  We hiked up a mountain, went canoeing and ate like shit.   Since then, I've struggled to find any motivation to exercise or eat healthy.  At all.  I stopped tracking my food, stopped looking into my steps taken and pretty much gave up on most of my goals.  I've stopped being active during H's naps and have started sitting on my expanding ass watching TV.  

 That's not fair.   At all.  I've worked so hard to get where I am, and I'm not giving up now.  We are actively trying for baby #2 and I owe it to that child to be active and eat healthy during pregnancy.  I owe it to Henry to be a good example.  He will never know how to eat healthy and be active without someone modelling that for him.  He deserves his mother to be healthy and active for him.

Most importantly, I owe it to myself.  I am a better person emotionally and physically when I eat right and exercise.  It's not rocket science.  Endorphins=happiness.  I feel better, I look better, I'm happier and healthier.  I need this.  

I am setting a goal to get back on track.  Structured, healthy meals, real exercise, no excuses.  I can do this, and I will.  

Tail... Meet Legs

Well.....  I went to bed last night and it was August 10th.  When I awoke, I was shocked to smell the scent of pumpkin spice lattes in the air and my previously green shrubbery all beautiful shades of crimson and gold; October 8th.  

The last 2 months have flown by with a speed known only to parents of young children.  It has been a frenzied blur of activity and I'm just now finding my footing. 

The move went as smoothly as it could with a man who gives up possession of our house a day early, despite not having early possession of our new house (thankfully, my inlaws had a large enough garage for all the belongings that wouldn't fit in the moving truck).  Our new house is wonderful and we are slowly getting settled.  

How was the Colour Run?  Spectacular.  It was honestly amazing.  Yes, it was all in fun, but I cannot express the feeling of accomplishment I felt running through those colourful gates.   The anticipation and adrenaline at the starting line was unlike anything I had ever experienced in a run before.   The high did not wear off within the first kilometre, or the second.   I found this 5k to be the absolute easiest I'd ever run, and most fun.   To be honest, I was nervous.  Despite racking up mileage like 15k and 18k the week before, for some reason the idea of running an organized 5 kilometre run weighed heavily on my ego. 

Me and H before the run

Mike met me near the finish line and handed Henry over to me, so I carried him over the finish line.   Now, I'm not a crier.  I'm even less of a crier when covered head to toe in coloured cornstarch.  But, carrying H over the finish line after I'd run my first ever 5k race was potentially one of the sweetest moments of my life.  A year before, I hadn't been able to walk from the couch to the bathroom without waddling and feeling winded.   A trip around the block left me tired for the afternoon.   Suddenly having the ability  to run a 5k without feeling tired or winded, and having to fight my body against the urge to keep going once I hit the finish line was truly an amazing and humbling feeling. Sharing it with H made it that much sweeter.  He is the reason I run, he is the reason I am healthy. So, to share my moment with him was an emotional experience I don't think I will ever equal....  Until I finish that half marathon next August. ;-)